They f*ck you up, your mum and dad….
An inspiration to misanthropists* everywhere, Philip Larkin was an absolute genius at articulating the feelings of neglected, angry and jaded people of all ages when he penned This Be The Verse in 1971. I consider it to be my mantra.
My mother took her own life 31 years ago when I was aged 5. She had lived with severe bipolar disorder for over a decade. I have tried all sorts of coping mechanisms to make sense of it – denial, endless research on mental health to see if I show any bipolar traits and dark humour to name a few.
Since my father died recently, another family member has given me some information about my mother of which I was unaware. I found this to be most helpful, as unfortunately my father often avoided any discussion regarding her unless it gave him an opportunity to criticise, so now I feel that I am getting to know my mother for the first time. This has also encouraged me to connect with others who have had similar experiences.
Yes, the subject matter is pretty dark. Suicide isn’t the jolliest of topics. I do, however, hope to take it on with objectivity, honesty and maybe a teeny bit of dark humour along the way. I am not writing this from the perspective of a mental health professional, just someone who has lived with the after effects of one of the most devastating things that can happen to a family. I don’t intend to write anything overly biographical, rather each post will be a discussion of a specific subject.
I hope you’ll join me, I’ll try to update this blog as often as possible and your thoughts on it would be most welcome.
Until next time…
*I don’t consider myself to be a misanthropist. I’m really fun. Glass always half full of Bowmore No. 1.